Signs That You Are No Longer A Kid

• The only reason you’re awake at 4 AM is indigestion.
• 8 AM is your idea of “sleeping in.”
• People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you ?”
• You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.
• Your back goes out more than you do.
• You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
• You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
• You are proud of your lawn mower.
• Your best friend is dating someone half their age
  ….. and isn’t breaking any laws.
• Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
• You sing along with the elevator music.
• You take a metal detector to the beach.
• You wear black socks with sandals.