A retiring pastor was saying farewell to his congregation at the church doors for the last time. He shook the hand of church lady as she walked out. She said, “Your successor won’t be as good as you.” “Nonsense,” said the pastor, in a flattered tone. “No, really,” said the church lady, “I’ve been here…

A 17-year-old girl came home with five job applications. She carefully filled them out, and later asked her mother to look them over. All the answers were clear and concise and she noticed that on all five applications, under “Previous Employment” she had listed ‘Babysitting’. But then she read under “Reason for Leaving” and her…

“Ok everyone,” said the the instructor at the birthing class trying to get everyone’s attention. “We are going to do an exercise now, that’s purpose is to help the men sympathize with their partners.” “We have here what’s called a pregnancy suit,” said the woman instructor, holding up an artificial stomach with a strap. “This…

I was asking my friend at what point did Celsius and Fahrenheit become the same. One of my other buddies quickly chimed in, “-40 degrees…” Impressed I said, “I didn’t know you were so knowledgeable in weather science?” “I’m not,” he said. “But I have been to Timmins!.”

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied, “No thanks. I don’t drink. I tried it once but I didn’t like it.” So the bartender said, “Well, would you like a cigarette?” But the man…

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. My new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey. My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions. Dear…