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Top 10 Self Isolation One Liners….

10.) In an unsettling turn of events from you teenage years, I am now yelling at my parents for going out… 9). Instead of counting sheep to go to sleep I now count the holes in the ceiling tiles… 8). Has anybody let the Amish know what’s going on yet… 7). Why is my sister…

Pizza Order…

Sometime around two in the morning our phone rang, waking us out of a sound sleep. “Wrong number,” my wife growled and slammed down the receiver. A few minutes later it rang again. I heard her say, “One with pepperoni and extra cheese and one with sausage. Pick up in 20 minutes.” “What was that?”…

Lie Detector…

Dane only has one chance to make a stellar first impression. Good thing there’s a lie detector present at his job interview! *BEEP* He’s screwed. Directed by Paul Emerson Written by Dane Hanson & Mike Heim Cinematography by Rich Yodsukar Edited by Paul Emerson Cast Mike Heim, Dane Hanson, and Danny Gutierrez Produced by Good…

For Better of For Worse…

During the vows at the wedding the minister asks the bride to be, “Do you take this man to be your wedded husband for better or worse?” The bride answers, “Just as he is Father. If he gets any better, I know the Lord will take him, and if he gets any worse, I’ll tend…

Theological Argument…

Four members of the clergy had a theological argument, with the three males ministers siding against the female minister. The woman prayed, “Lord, I know I’m right. Please send us a divine sign to prove it.” A big storm cloud materialized and there was a clap of thunder. “See,” said the woman. “It’s a sign…

Quarantine….

Due to the quarantine… I’ll only be telling inside jokes.

Running out of fuel…

My friend is notorious for waiting until the needle is on empty before filling his gas tank. Finally his car died on him, and we had to push it to the nearest filling station. After my friend finished pumping gas, the attendant asked if he had learned anything. “Yeah,” my friend muttered, “I learned I…