1. Why do shoppers feel like cranberry sauce on Black Friday?
They get bruised, battered, and squished into pulp trying to get to the bargain bin.
2. What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have in common?
They know what it’s like to be stuffed and jammed into a small space.
3 . How can you be more considerate on Black Friday?
By turning your phone horizontally before recording the shopping brawls.
4. Who profits the most on Black Friday?
The folks who were smart enough to stay home.
5. Black Friday: The day people spend money they don’t have on things they don’t need.
6. I’ll be celebrating Black Friday in my own way — by completely ignoring it.
7. Here’s hoping Black Friday won’t turn into Black and Blue Saturday.
8. Sorry, but there’s no deal for the hospital visit you will need after being pummeled on Black Friday.
9. The best Black Friday sale is one you can access from your bed.
10. Here’s hoping your Black Friday injuries aren’t so bad that you can’t click on a mouse on Cyber Monday.